Ok. Let’s talk some truth. (As if I didn’t drop enough of my life story last time 😳). Let’s talk self-care and self-love!
You see people post about going to get their hair done, fancy manicures, expensive trips to far off ‘retreats’, and lavish spa days. #selfcare (insert peace sign selfie ✌️). And yeah, those are a form of self-care. Those can be great ideas of taking a break and destressing. But unless you get down and dirty, those are just putting a bandage over a bullet wound. Those won’t get you to the ultimate goal: self-love.
Self-love is about getting down and dirty into your emotions. It’s sifting through the hard stuff. It’s rakeing your body across the coals until all the bad stuff is burned away. It’s ugly crying over days, weeks, months… maybe years. It’s dealing with the difficult thoughts and emotions, getting to the root of the why, and doing your damnedest to settle those beasts. It’s going to take time; time to unlearn bad behaviors, bad habits, negative thought patterns; time to learn who you really are, what you want, what is wrong with your life, what you are missing; and the time to fix it.
Let’s get to it. Part of learning what self-love is figure out what YOU need and who YOU are. Look at your life, why you hate it (or aspects of it)… Look at yourself and why you hate yourself (or aspects of yourself). Be ready for that flood of pain, the slap of unresolved trauma. Embrace it. Sift through it. You’re about to start your journey into self-discovery… In all it’s messy, painful, beautiful glory.
Start by getting to know YOU. Who are you outside all of your roles in life? Who are you outside of making other people happy? What scares you? Your biggest regret? Your biggest accomplishment? What do you LOVE about your life? What bothers you about it? What are your dreams? What do you need to work on? Dive deep into who you are… All of it! Not just your mental bits, but physically, personality-wise, and even how you think other people see you. Who. Are. You?! And… Do you love who that person is? Why or why not? 🤔 If you don’t love yourself, why? It’s so easy for us when we are kids to think we are the coolest thing since WiFi. For even the smallest reasons: a space shirt, lightup shoes, unicorn headband… When does life start getting SO heavy that we start to doubt how awesome we are? I remember being in grade school (9 or 10 years old), hiding in the bathroom in tears, because a group of girls were bullying me for being the chubby kid. Boom. Right there. That’s when I started hating myself.
So what exactly is self-love?
- Thinking about yourself and your wants and needs and then acting on those things.
- Putting in the effort to create a life that you truly love instead of settling for unhappiness.
- Engaging in relationships that lift you up and make you feel fulfilled and nourished.
- Taking care of your mental and physical health equally.
- Not being so hard on yourself all of the time. Giving yourself the grace to make mistakes and learn from them.
- Forgiving yourself for that thing you did 5 years, 6 weeks, and 3 days ago.
- Nurturing your growth and encouraging yourself to blossom by learning new things and trying new experiences.
- Spending time on the hobbies that you enjoy that are just for yourself and no one else.
- Managing your daily life stress and not just pushing through it.
- Embracing your authentic self – as wild and crazy or as shy and quiet as you want to be.
- Redirecting self-destructive thoughts and behaviors to healthier coping skills.
- Accepting all aspects of yourself, the good and the bad, and loving yourself anyway… Unconditional love.
Self-love is not…
- Selfish, it gives you the tools to take care of yourself better and in turn take care of others.
- Putting others before yourself to the point that you are hurting your mental or emotional health.
- Yet also not always putting yourself over others so that you are hurting them mentally. There must be a balance in your relationships.
- Letting people run over your boundaries or not having boundaries to begin with.
- Accepting behavior that makes you uncomfortable or feel violated and not saying anything about it.
- Telling yourself you will love yourself when you lose weight / fall in love / make something of yourself.
- Putting yourself in unhealthy or dangerous situations.
- Ignoring problems in your life, hoping they will disappear.
- Having no interests, hobbies, or life outside of your partner or the other people in your life .
- Allowing your identity to revolve around other people.
- Pampering yourself with vacations and spa days but ignoring your emotions.
- Negative self-talk or saying mean things to yourself as a form of motivation.
These two lists (and a ton of other self-care / self-love goodness) can be found here: BlessingManifesting.
Seriously… I can’t suggest this workbook enough. I am I love with this and how it’s written. If you want somewhere to start, the right questions asked, and how to truly proceed on your path to self-love… GO HERE!
Self-Care… What Exactly is it?
Self-care is any action you take to fulfill your needs; physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental. It’s not always easy and it isn’t the same for everyone. My path through self-care might be radically different from yours. It’s about what you need right now, this moment, and the next moment, and the next… It’s making a commitment every day to behave in a way that honors your needs. So: what do you need right now on a physical, emotional, or mental level?
Self-care varies with your moods, days, situations because what you NEED changes. Again, ask yourself what you need right now and go do that thing. Right now. Yup, drop what you’re doing and fulfill that need. Ok. Ok. Not everyone can stop what they are doing to take care of a self-care need. If you can’t do that thing right now, MAKE TIME for it later… Set aside time to do it.
Physical Self-care
Physical self-care is taking care of your physical being. Diet and exercise are probably the most common people will suggest. But it’s more than that. I recently learned that I hadn’t been taking care of parts of my physical self-care. Going to the doctor, dentist, or eye doctor also fits into physical self-care. Make sure to take time to care for all of your physical self 😊. Check out some other ideas of physical self-care:
- Sleep
- Brush your teeth
- Bathe
- Stretch
- Take a walk
- Eat healthy food
- Dance like no one is watching
- Soak up some sunshine
- Hug yourself
- Have a big glass of water
Emotional Self-care
Emotional self-care is caring for your emotional needs by identifying what it is you’re feeling and then acting in a way that honors yourself and those emotions. When we aren’t handling our emotional self care needs, we tend to feel frustrated and burnt-out. Our emotions are energy and not a part of who we really are. They change often depending on: the thoughts we are thinking, the environment we are in, the food we eat, and the actions we take. We need to practice emotional self-care by coming back to the present moment and releasing or letting go of our emotions. Here’s some ideas:
- Take a few deep breaths, especially before expressing your feelings
- Identify your triggers and warnings that self-care is needed.
- Practice saying no and take care of yourself first
- Challenge your negative self-talk
- Create boundaries that feel good to set and encourage others to do the same
- Stop over-explaining yourself to others
- Only say ‘Sorry’ when you really mean it
- Call on others for help when you start to feel overwhelmed
- Accept compliments without argument
- Experience your emotions without judgement, guilt, or embarrassment
- Start a gratitude journal
- Avoid toxic people
- Try binaural tones
Personal Self-care
Personal self-care is about learning who you are. What do you like? What do you enjoy doing in your spare time? If you take away all the labels and expectations that other people have put on you, who are you? It is never too late to figure out who you are. Life is not all about existing for other people. It is about doing things for yourself, doing the things that you love! Its about discovering your true self, your goals, hobbies, what you beleive in.
- Discover something new about yourself. Go to a new place, try a new food, or listen to a new type of music.
- Pick a fear that you have and work on being unafraid.
- Focus on always being true to your word. Speak your truth instead of saying things to please others.
- Make small deadlines for each step of your goals so that you are always making progress.
- Make a ‘Not-To-Do’ List of all the things you don’t want to do anymore.
- Challenge your brain by continuing your education, either officially or unofficially. Just keep learning!
- Use a planner to schedule your time.
- Try a hobby that someone has recommended to you.
- Make a list of 5 things you love doing. Make sure to do them frequently. Make them a part of your daily or weekly life!
Social Self-care
We are social beings. During this time of isolation and social-distancing, we are all feeling the drain of this part of self-care. It’s rough right now. Social self-care comes in two parts: meeting your social needs and the quality of those you surround yourself with. Figure out how much going out or being around people is right for you. If you find yourself exhausted about how much socialization you do, then maybe learning to say no to things would be a good skill. If you thrive on being around people but find yourself stuck alone all the time, reach out! Create a support system of positive people who help build you up and honor the trust you put into them!
- Don’t be afraid of communicating your social needs with your friends. Don’t just drop off the planet, let them know you can get socially exhausted or overwhelmed easily.
- Bring hobbies into your friendships! Invite friends over to do something crafty!
- Organize a weekly or monthly get-together with your friends or your favorite person.
- Rely on your people for support, love, and advice.
- Stop trying to please everyone.
- Stay away from those that belittle you or make you feel like you are not good enough… even if that includes family.
- Have a game night!
- Ask for help if you need it.
- Remember: you are not obligated to keep friends or acquaintances that drain and depress you for the sake of politeness.
Spiritual Self-care
Taking care of your soul is important, even if you are not religious. This includes finding out what you believe. Whether you consider yourself religious, a free spirit, spiritual, or ambivalent, listen to what is calling to your soul. It is ok if it is different than what you were taught when you were a child, its ok if it is the same. Just do what calls to your heart.
- Spend some time in nature.
- Do regular acts of compassion.
- Read an uplifting book.
- Meditate. Find a guided meditation that looks interesting and give it a try.
- Focus on compassion for yourself and for other people.
- Practice mindfulness.
- Do a gratitude journal.
- Let Go and Left God/Spirit/Universe. Let go of the things you can’t control or that you can’t change and leave it to the Universe.
Professional Self-care
Having a job is a major part of life. And managing your self-care and mental wellness in this aspect of your life is important too! Make sure to set up healthy boundaries when it comes to work and home. Learn to not take your work home with you mentally or emotionally. Adopt self care practices that lead to a healthy work-life balance. It’s meant to reduce overall stress regarding your career.
- ENJOY your lunch break (don’t eat at your desk. Step away).
- Learn to say no.
- Take short breaks at work especially if you sit at a desk most of the day.
- Use your vacation days and sick days
- Form supportive relationships with like-minded coworkers
Environmental Self-care
The space around you can influence your thoughts and emotions. I’ve certainly noticed that the more chaotic and cluttered my office is, the harder it is for me to get any work done. We maintain a dynamic and unique relationship with our environment, whether at home, at work, or in nature. Try to keep this in mind when you look, organize, or clean your physical space.
- Keep up with chores and housework (Yup… I said it.)
- Clear you home of clutter, bad memories.
- Make your home happy-inducing and have it match your personality.
- Declutter and donate (this can help with spiritual self-care as well!)
- Recycle.
- Wash all your bedding. Snuggle into the awesomeness of nice clean sheets!
- Do a deep clean of your house. Find a way to make it fun!
Financial self-care
If you are in a position to not worry about your finances, yay for you! But I know there are many people who struggle in this area. Financial self-care involves having a conscious relationship with money. Budgeting and paying bills on time, even saving money if you can. You have to find a balance between being someone who never spends a cent and someone who over splurges and suffers because of it.
- Know when and where your income is coming in
- Know where you expenses are and paying them on time.
- Open a savings account and deposit whenever you can.
- Try a ‘No-Spend’ challenge. Don’t spend fivolously for a day/week/month.
- Organize your bills, make grocery lists, and write down meal plans.
- Don’t let people take advantage of you by borrowing money and not paying you back. Again, boundaries are important!
- Pick a debt and try to pay a little bit extra each month.
Remember, that YOU are important. Your needs are important. You deserve to be happy and loved.
Self-Care Journaling
Again, I’m using a page from BlessingManifesting because this is one thing I’m trying to make sure to do everyday. EVERY. DAMN. DAY!
- Today I practiced self-care by…
- Today I had fun when…
- I accomplished…
- I felt proud of myself when…
- I felt good about…
- Today was interesting because…
- I am grateful for…
- I took care of myself by…
- Something I did well today was…
- I showed love to myself by…
- I struggled with…
So find an old notebook (I’m sure you have one lying around somewhere… Come on, don’t lie 😅), open a word document on your computer, or even a notes app on your phone. And do this. Every, single, day. I’m serious. Do it. I’m not perfect about it… Not gonna tell you I am. I forget… It gets too late and I’m lazy… Or I just don’t wanna some days. But try it. Not because I’m telling you to, but because it is something good just for yourself. 👍
I’m not perfect when it comes to self-care. I’m learning. I’m trying. I am just starting to figure things out and I’m sure it will be a long journey. But it is something that needs to happen. Try incorporating some aspects of self-care into your life. Bring in some happy. Sending y’all some love ❤
Keep the content coming! Donate here: CashApp or here at PayPal . Thank you!
I'm Not Dumb 